Sunday, March 20, 2005
Trader Joe, Oh No
This is indirectly related to chem (because EVERYTHING in life is in some way related to chem!).
I like the Trader Joe store. Everyone in there seems to be from some laid-back granola commune in California. I haven't been there in like 8 months but I was out of vitamins which I need ( see? Chemistry!) because McNuggets, Pizza, Coldstone, and Costco Food Court do not a balanced diet make. So I visited ol' Joe.
Imagine the horror, the HORROR when I'm in the frozen food aisle seeking out frozen soy fake mcnuggets (for the wussy vegan part of me) and real faux chicken mcnuggets (for the manly hunter part of me; as I explained, I am not man enough to kill the chicken by myself so I hire a hitman from Perdue to do the job). I find the little soy treats (which taste like NOTHING so you have to drown them in bbq sauce so that they taste like.....bbq sauce!) no problem. Then, I walk across the aisle to where the frozen carnage is and (ack!) all of the chicken mcnugget boxes have been torn open and the li'l mcnuggets were strewn about Joe's freezer! Oh, the poultry!
Obviously, some misguided, self-righteous, disgruntled, hemp-wearin', hackey-sack playin', no-deodorant applyin', anti-capitalist, vegan mini-terrorist got loose in the store and got to my beloved mcnuggets before one of the normally calm Joe-ployees was like "duuuuuude, noooooo mee-aannn, I mean , like, I toooooootally support yer cause but, meee-ann, you are totally harshin' my mellow with that vandalism mee-aannn." Then, they probably bashed the vegan's head against the Trader Joe Help-me Bell (patent pending).
My point is that these vegans are noble in their pursuit to avoid harm to innocent animals but they should just keep their correctness to themselves. No matter what their rationalization is, homo sapiens sapiens are omnivores (except for the ones in Texas, rural PA and the midwest who are strict carnivores). Just look at your flesh and soy- tearing bicuspids! Some of you are practically vampires. So let's send these activists ( do NOT get me started on activists and zealots!) off with a packet of soy seeds and dirt to an island where they can live miserably ever after without harshing my mellow.
(steps down from high-horse and gives a haughty harumph).
I like the Trader Joe store. Everyone in there seems to be from some laid-back granola commune in California. I haven't been there in like 8 months but I was out of vitamins which I need ( see? Chemistry!) because McNuggets, Pizza, Coldstone, and Costco Food Court do not a balanced diet make. So I visited ol' Joe.
Imagine the horror, the HORROR when I'm in the frozen food aisle seeking out frozen soy fake mcnuggets (for the wussy vegan part of me) and real faux chicken mcnuggets (for the manly hunter part of me; as I explained, I am not man enough to kill the chicken by myself so I hire a hitman from Perdue to do the job). I find the little soy treats (which taste like NOTHING so you have to drown them in bbq sauce so that they taste like.....bbq sauce!) no problem. Then, I walk across the aisle to where the frozen carnage is and (ack!) all of the chicken mcnugget boxes have been torn open and the li'l mcnuggets were strewn about Joe's freezer! Oh, the poultry!
Obviously, some misguided, self-righteous, disgruntled, hemp-wearin', hackey-sack playin', no-deodorant applyin', anti-capitalist, vegan mini-terrorist got loose in the store and got to my beloved mcnuggets before one of the normally calm Joe-ployees was like "duuuuuude, noooooo mee-aannn, I mean , like, I toooooootally support yer cause but, meee-ann, you are totally harshin' my mellow with that vandalism mee-aannn." Then, they probably bashed the vegan's head against the Trader Joe Help-me Bell (patent pending).
My point is that these vegans are noble in their pursuit to avoid harm to innocent animals but they should just keep their correctness to themselves. No matter what their rationalization is, homo sapiens sapiens are omnivores (except for the ones in Texas, rural PA and the midwest who are strict carnivores). Just look at your flesh and soy- tearing bicuspids! Some of you are practically vampires. So let's send these activists ( do NOT get me started on activists and zealots!) off with a packet of soy seeds and dirt to an island where they can live miserably ever after without harshing my mellow.
(steps down from high-horse and gives a haughty harumph).
# posted by C @ 6:08 PM 
